Priest healers, to arms!

If you heal on a priest, as I do, you've probably noticed that something is wrong.

Your first clue may have been that your prayer of mending bounced off the tank on the mob's first swing, even though you could have sworn you put power word: shield up. No, wait. You weren't imagining things - that weakened soul debuff is there as proof.

Maybe your first inkling of the problem was when you noticed that when your party was injured, your blue bar was emptying faster than their green bars were filling.

Or perhaps instead, you were blissfully ignorant. You thought it was normal to drink between every pull. Every fight between your party and the enemy was designed to be a battle of epic proportions, and even if you sustained casualties, the important thing was that you emerged victorious... least most of the time.

But then, you met other healers. Paladins and druids and shamans, and maybe even the occasional monk. You found out that they were helping the group more than you were, and they were having far less difficulty doing it. It might have been easy to shrug off at first - they could have been exceptional players, or maybe you weren't quite as exceptional as you had thought. But over time the evidence kept stacking up, and you found other priests who shared similar experiences.

And you, we, came to the conclusion that something was wrong. And then we came to the conclusion that something must be done.

We tried showing Blizzard math on why we were less effective.
We tried using combat logs for empirical proof that we were also less effective in practice.
We tried resorting to mass QQ.
One or possibly more of us may or may not have attempted to bribe, blackmail, or coerce Blizzard employees into buffing our class.

But our efforts were in vain; our pleas fell on deaf ears, and we were left wondering what recourse remains for our broken, beaten class.

I am here to answer that. We fight.

"But Icecreamsoup," you might ask, "how can we fight when holy fire and smite hardly tickle, let alone heal?" Thankfully, Blizzard has blessed us with two abilities. With these two abilities, we will make our voices heard and our complaints recognized. These two abilities make us a force to be reckoned with in any group we join. These two abilities are Leap of Faith (hereafter referred to as "Life Grip") and Void Shift, and we will use them to annoy, troll, and even kill our teammates.

I'm sure most of you can think of numerous ways to use these abilities, and I'm sure that many of you have already employed some of them. For those of you who are less creative, I shall recount one of my recent experiences as an example.

The dungeon was Temple of the Jade Serpent, and the boss was Wise Mari, otherwise known as "The Water Boss." Having steeled myself for the task at hand, I patiently waited through the first phase, thankful that my party's tank, a death knight, could heal himself better than I could. In the second phase, I intentionally stood in the water, bringing my health dangerously low. As the spout of water which would surely end my life approached, I did it. I targeted the shaman, whom I chose for no real reason other than his class color matches that of my constantly-depleted resource. I used Void Shift - filling my health completely and lowering his to near nothingness - and then Life Grip, pulling him directly into the torrent of water, killing him instantly.

Your task is to do the same, every chance you get. It is important, though, that you remember that we do not do this for wanton destruction or chaos - we do it for the priest class. Before you are removed from your party for your deed, you will likely be asked why you did it. Through your mixed tears of laughter and priestly anguish, you must tell them of the priest's struggles, and you must tell them that until our class is fixed, it will not end. I want you to make every pick-up group so deathly afraid of being grouped with a priest that they help us in our cause, and join us in demanding that Blizzard balance us as healers.

Good luck and Godspeed.
GC already comment priest healing is fine, no changes inc.
Oh thank you so much for for the well crafted laugh. I will be fighting; albeit a little differently and am determined to ride out this imbalance. I will see us raise up again! (I hope)
I do salute you, @icecreamsoup for your creativity and wonderful storytelling. /high five
LOL 12/10...maybe 13
=D sorry guys, im turning tail and leveling my pally. Very funny though, I needed a laugh.
Good stuff lol.
10/09/2012 10:12 AMPosted by Gandhisfist
=D sorry guys, im turning tail and leveling my pally. Very funny though, I needed a laugh.

Can't swing a dead vermin around this place without hitting a holy pally....
My pally only makes me this pretty fan, glyphs, and shoulder enchants for now.....poor dear benched at 85.
LOL! 15/10. Would read again.
beautiful, i am with you 100%, blizzard chooses to ignore us! the priests !
The corpses of paladins shall pile high.
10/09/2012 08:18 AMPosted by Hexxin
GC already comment priest healing is fine, no changes inc.
Did you read the thread by chance?
Oh my god, that's a thing of beauty. A terrible, terrible, beautiful ting.
That was YOU??!?!
10/09/2012 11:23 AMPosted by Babylon
GC already comment priest healing is fine, no changes inc.
Did you read the thread by chance?

Quite obvious that they did not.

I laughed out loud. GREAT post:)
I hate to chime in here, but unfortunately, Priests have been screaming against deaf ears since Vanilla. My very first serious character was an Undead Priest in Vanilla, and all you need to go is look back for years of the serious discrepancy even down to the faction and furthermore racial level during Vanilla (Dwarf or Human vs. any other race, anyone?), and the serious problems Priests have had since then. Does anyone here remember the priest riots after the "review" in Vanilla? Drysc's "Presence of Mind, oops I mean Prayer of Mending" 20s nerf due to PVP whining in TBC? There was a brief shining moment of the strength of Circle of Healing during some mid to late TBC raid bosses and Disc during Wrath, but overall, the Priest class has been the red-headed step child of WoW healing since its onset.

I gave up the priest class long, long ago. I encourage others to, unfortunately, do the same.
This... is this? Is this a crusade?
That was...That's...I love you.

Where do I sign up?
For when I am leveled. I shall make a guild called Icecreamsoup's Army, and WE SHALL FIGHT, Blizzard shall regret the day they made us unbalanced healers, and when my green bar is nearly empty, and my blue bar is full, The Shaman in my group shall feel thy wrath. I shall steal the health that is rightfully ours. If no shamans are available I shall choose a rogue, for all those low level backstabs, let us see who has the 'last laugh'. If no rogues are availble, The mage, and lets see him teleport out of that one.

If no Mages, The Paladin, cause there is only one holy class m***** f*****. If no pally then I shall put the 'Death' in Death knight. If there is no death knight in my group, I shall target the Warlock and show him/her a true 'harvest life'. If no warlock i shall target a druid, cause who cares about druids. If no druid, The monk can Meditate on having no health. And warriors, they are alright, so i wont target one of those. and i shall never, ever target another priest.

I think that sums up the nice and friendly priest I will become.

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