WoW Discussion through parody

Story Forum
Started this about the same time WoLK came out. Just a litttle late.

One cold, bitter day in Warsong Hold…
Saurfang: "Lok'tar Ogar, Garrosh Hellscream, you must sign these requisition forms, for the Horde!"
Garrosh: "Forms? A true Warchief does not sign forms!"
Saurfang: "Luckily for us all, you're not the Warchief...yet. Now sign here on the blood-splattered line! (Stupid little poser…)
Garrosh: "Would my father, Grom Hellscream, sign forms? He was a savage Orc, blooded in many battles! He did not sign mere forms, no matter how much blood of virgin Gnomes lay upon it!"
Saurfang: "A: You thought your father was a coward, you stupid little hypocrite. B: We really need this supply of axes to cut down some trees someone else owns, preemptively. C: Your father was an illiterate that usually signed with a scribbling of him and Warchief Thrall frolicking through the meadows. And D: You probably couldn't interpret this in pictographs, moron, so sign here."
Garrosh: "How do I know what I'm signing isn't some proclamation of my guilt in some massive, upcoming conspiracy?"
Saurfang: "What?"
Garrosh: "Nothing. Sign here on the blood-splattered line, then?"
Saurfang: -whisks away the form- "Now, onto other matters…like how not to be an absolute, pork-eating douche, douche."

Two minutes later…

Orc Herald: "Hey, shut the fel up, you idiots! I have an important announcement to make: 'I, Garrosh Hellscream, do proclaim my enjoyment of kittens, pretty bowties, lace, sugar, spice, Blood Elves of both sexes, and frolicking through Nagrand listening to Hanson and weeping softly to myself about how one day I will suck less than my father, who I really didn't hate, really.' Signed, the Prettiest Little Emo Warchief Wannabee, Garrosh Hellscream!"
Garrosh: "SAURFANG!"
Saurfang: "Oh, man, dawg, Thrall, man…" -laughing- "He's such an idiot!"
Thrall: "Too bad I'll do nothing about him!"
-both laugh it up-
Saurfang: "Yeah, so, you rang your boy, Cairne, lately?"
Thrall: "Who's that?"

Meanwhile, in the Undercitycave…
Varimathas: "Unholy willickers, my Lady, what happened to your voice!"
Sylvanas: "You know what, uh, Varimathas, dude; I just, you know, like, going through all this transformation stuff and junk…you know?"
Varimathas: "I have no idea, my Lady, but I'm sure it's quite retarded."
Sylvanas: "Yeahhh, you know, I'm gonna be a ghoul and junk!" -bounces- "I'll look all pretty for Arthas, you know, and stufff?"
Varimathas: "You know whattt? I think you don't pay me enough for this, and junk. I'll betray you."
Sylvanas: -giggles- "Okay, but blame it on Putress and junk, okay?"
Putress: "I get to be an important character, yea! …Who am I, again? Oh well. Fire ze blight cannons! Ahhh, motherland!!"

Back in Northend…
Bolvar: "Whew, we really beat those Scourge up during that awesome cutscene, didn't we?"
Alliance soldiers: "Holy Light!"
Bolvar: "What? Is it those green, putrid balls of fiery doom descending upon us?"
Alliance soldiers: "You have a unique voice now!"

At the Frozen Throne…
Arthas: "Man, I could really go for a smoothie."

Back in Ogrimmar…somehow…a Mage done it…
Thrall: "So, the Forsaken betrayed us by throwing barrels of plague on our troops at Wrathgate?"
Saurfang: "Yup."
Thrall: "This is after that whole betrayal at the Broken Front thing, too?"
Saurfang: "Yup."
Thrall: "That's totally not my fault."
Saurfang: "Nope."
Thrall: "I'm totally not mentioning your son died in this thing."
Saurfang: "Yup."
Thrall: "So…blame Garrosh?"
Saurfang: "Yup!"
Zol'jin: "You can't just blame Garrosh, mon! …Wait, did the author even spell my name right?"
Thrall: "Who's that?"
Saurfang: "Fel if I know. It seems to be trying to communicate."
Vol'jin: "Is it Vol'jin, mon? I feel so unimportant to this story, nowadays."
Thrall: "Oh well. What's our justification for blaming Garrosh?"
Saurfang: "He's a brown orc?"
Thrall: "Racism within a race serving as the punching bag for racism! Brilliant!"
Who'jin: "Whatever my name is, is gonna go sit over there in the corner now, mon…"
Thrall: "So, how do we go about punishing him? Exiled to the Barrens, Ambassador to Goldshire Inn, finally locating Mankrik's wife?"
That Troll Dude: "Now that's just insulting, mon."
Saurfang: "No no, Warchief, I have a better idea."
Thrall: "Let's hear it."
Saurfang: "Are you ready? … Chick flicks."
The entire room gasps in horror.
Thrall: "But where are we going to find chick flicks in Ogrimmar?"
Saurfang: "You know those Blood Elves been sitting over there for the last, oh, forever?"
Thrall: "Oh yeah. Almost forgot about them. …Which one's the chick?"
Saurfang: "I didn't know they had genders."

At Silvermoon…
Lord Lothemar: "Hey, alright, I get to play a role in—"

Back in Ogrimmar….
Thrall: "I love doing that."

Still in Ogrimmar, in need of a scene change…

Garrosh: "You summoned me, Warchief?"
Thrall: -looks over at Saurfang and rolls his eyes. "Obviouslyyy, Garrosh. Unless we found enough Mages to portal your fat !@#$ across the sea."
What'jin: "Warlocks did it!"
Garrosh: "A true Warchief doesn't summon with demonic magic!"
Saurfang: "He's right, Warchief. The Gnomish Launching device still falls a tad short reaching across continents."
Thrall: "We were shortchanged on the specs?"
A Succubus cracks her whip in the background, forcing a Captive Leper Gnome to perform a rimshot.
Thrall: "Ah-hah, I'm awesome."
What'jin: "Gonna go drown, mon. Have fun!"
Garrosh: "A true Warchief does not crack terrible puns! A true Warchief—"
Saurfang: "Aw, shut up, 'tard. You're here to atone for what you maybe did and didn't do at Wrathgate."
Garrosh: "I wasn't even at Wrathgate! They couldn't afford me being in two cutscenes in the same expansion! They'd think I'd be involved in the future story, with all this attention."
Thrall: "In all my wisdom and impeccable foresight, that'll never happen, of course."
Garrosh: "Of course."
Saurfang: "Of course."
Thrall: "Why are we repeating each other ominously?"
Saurfang: "I have no idea, but let's see what's on tap… Uh, you over there, Blood Elf, person…thingy… What's playing for our honored guest?"
Random, non-descript Blood Elf: "Sure, honey! First up is Season 1 of Sex in the City."
Everyone in the room gasps in horror.
Random, non-descript Blood Elf…possibly not %^-*!@#$%^-*: "For our second showing, we have Brokeback Mountain, yeaaa!"
The Kok'ron Elite run out of the room screaming.
Random, non-descript Blood Elf with a now contradictory description: "For our finale—and I love this one soooo much!"
Garrosh, tears streaming down his face: "No! Nooo! You are a terrible, demon-worshipping peoples!"
Blood Elf: "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 1 and 2, yeaaa!" -flails about-
Garrosh descends into mindless gibberish, curled into the fetal position.
Thrall: "Saurfang."
Saurfang: "Yes, Warchief?"
Thrall: "You don't get to come to movie night."

Meanwhile, in Shattrath City…

A'dal: "There is a disturbance in the Light."
Khadgar: "…Oh, wait, am I important to this plot—"
A'dal: "It is as if a million Orcish minds scream in unison."
Kael'thalas: "Tempest Keep was but a setback!"
A'dal: "SHUT UP, ELF! I'M RIPPING OFF STAR WARS OVER HERE! … Yes, where was I…?"
Kael'thalas: "I'm telling Illidan!"
Draenai: "Um, pardon us, your Lightness?"
Draenai: "Perhaps another time, then…"

Meanwhile, in Stormwind…
Varian: "Honey, I'm home! Oh…wait..." -sadface-
This makes me chuckle.
Oh my gosh. That was hilarious. xD
Now with more Stormwind scenery…
Varian: "Hail to the king, baby!"
Commoner: "You're as cliché as your character, my King!"
Varian: "That's right, as I walk these cobbled streets; my people adore me, for I am the ruler of Stormwind!
Anduin: "Um, father?"
Varian: "Yes, walking the streets upright, boldly, proudly, and other inspiring statures and gestures to show off how much of an awesome guy I am!"
Anduin: "Father? About the kingdom—"
Varian: "I am of two minds—two minds! (I must not cease to remind them of my dual past, of course!)—of this recent development with the Horde. Of course, I should give them a chance, even after all they've done in—"
Random Soldier: "Sir, the Horde attacked us at the Broken Front all very dramatically!"
Varian: "Death to the Horde!!"
Anduin: "Father, shouldn't we at least try to talk—"
Varian: "Oh, right, I did have a child, didn't I?"
Random Soldier: "Sir, the boy has a point. The Horde normally—"
Varian: "I am a fair and reasonable king!" -slaps the guard down, to the ground- "That was dramatic, and a new and interesting facet of my developing character!"
Anduin: "Umm, father…?"
Varian: "What what WHATTT? Jeez, it's like you haven't had to fend on your own for a year and some change, or something. 'Daddy, daddy, I ruled Stormwind in your place!' Yes, son, we are all very proud of you."
Jaina Proudmoore warps in.
Varian: "Oh, you can already go to hell."

All the while, over in Ironforge…
Senator Redstone: "So, how's your daughter, my Lord?"
King Bronzebeard: [Expletive Deleted] youuuu!"
Mekkatorque: "Wait, that's all we get—"

Meanwhile, over in Thunder Bluff…
Cairne: "So, no one is watching?"
Hamul Runetotem: "Nope."
Cairne: "Hey, Magatha?"
Magatha: "Oh, what do you want now, you old coot?"
Cairne snickers with Hamul.
Cairne: "Say, I heard if you commune with the spirits of the wind, you can float gently off the sides of Thunder Bluff to the bountiful plains of Mulgore. Is this true? It would be a great boon to our people."
Magatha: "Of course it's true! Of course, neither of you are worthy of such spirit's favor!"
Hamul: "Oh? Just yesterday, I took flight as a bird and glided over great herds of Kodo."
Magatha: "Bull[beep]."
Hamul: "Why, I marked my name in the cliffs below Thunder Bluff while I was at it. Go look for yourself, if you don't believe me."
Magatha: "Fine. I will. Spirits go with me!"
Cairne leans in, whispering: "What did you do with her Air Totem, anyways?"
Hamul leans back in to Cairne, whispering: "It vibrates when you piss the elements off enough."
Fifty feet down the side of the cliff…
Magatha: "Damn you, Cairne Bloodhooooffffff!"
At the top of Thunder Bluff…
Cairne: "Awesome."
Hamul: "Awesome."
Cairne and Hamul exchange a high-three.

Undah the sea, where everyting is wettah, undah tha sea!
Deathwing: "I'M QUITE INSANE!"
Azshara: "Yes, dear, we've quite established that."
Azshara: "Yes, amazingly enough, this was one of your saner ideas."
Azshara: "When you say everything--"
Deathwing: "EVERYTHING!"
Azshara: "Yes, you see, I have a problem with that, dear. You can't be insane."
Deathwing: "WHAT?"
Azshara: "See, the insane bit is a bit...overplayed."
Azshara: "Anddd, we can't really have that, dear. Illidan went insane, Arthas went insane, Kael'thalas went insane. Insane is so cliche. We need you to be original, this time."
Azshara: "And we do have to work on your motives a bit."
Azshara: "Uh-huh, but for what reason, really?"
Deathwing: "I'M FREGGEN INSANE!"
Azshara: "Yes, but that's entirely too logical, you understand? We can understand this concept. We need you to do something completely out of own a puppy."
Deathwing: "Aw, puppies are cute--DEATHWING WILL NOT BE DISTRACTED! NO PUPPIES!"
Azshara: "We can always say you're out to destroy Azeroth, because of some unrequited love?"
Deathwing: "TOO CLICHE!"
Azshara: "How about if you team up with demons, to rule Azeroth?"
Deathwing: "Pardon me, madam, perhaps you did not quite understand me the first time--I'M FREGGEN INSANE! I'LL DESTROY AZEROTH!"
Azshara: "Right...and about that repair bill--"
Azshara: "Yes, that. The bill just came you go."
Deathwing reads.
Azshara: "'s all because you were jilted on your repair bill?"
Deathwing: "WORKS FOR ME!"
At the Tournament Grounds,
Tirion: "So, Arthas has Frostmourne, and now we're looking for Shadowmourne?"
Darion: "That seems to be the case."
Tirion: "I don't know. It seems kind of strange."
Darion: "Oh, you mean how the greatest, most vile, most corrupt artifact in Azeroth suddenly has a cousin?"
Tirion: "Well, that, and what kind of can of worms are we really opening here?"
Darion: "Let's not talk about worms, please."
Tirion: "Oh, right, the whole dead thing."
Darion: "It's a continuing problem."
Tirion: "Anyways! There's two apparent Mournes here, so why not more?"
Darion: "That couldn't conceivably be possible. Two Mournes are enough. Plus, that whole thing about there being not enough of that kind of power to go around. I mean, really, who do these people making these things think they are? It's a dilution of absolute power!"
Tirion: "Well, humor me here for a moment, but if there's now a Frostmourne and a Shadowmourne, then there should be, I dunno…a Flamemourne, or something?"
Darion: "What, like, forged by Ragnaros or something?"
Tirion: "It'd fit the elemental structure. Heck, there might be a, I dunno, Terramourne or something."
Darion: "Hah! Terramourne... It's like a bad naming convention. 'Oh, I see what you did there. It actually says Terrormourne. You're a genius.' Where would you get it from, anyways?"
Tirion: "The Dwarves?"
Darion: "Oh, don't you start. Next thing to come out of your mouth, you'll claim there's an Aquamourne from the deep depths of Deepholme."
Tirion: "Or a Breezemourne from that one Elemental God, what'shisface. Murmur?"
Darion: "Get out!"
Tirion raises the Ashbringer.
Tirion: "Lightmourne."
Darion: "Get the [bleep] out!"
Tirion: "So…what happens if you find them all?"

The Captain: "By your legendary weapons combined, I am Captain Planetmourne!"

Back at the Tournament Grounds…
Darion: "Nice job. You've unleashed the eternal wrath of the Elemental Plane."
Tirion: "Not to worry. I have a cunning plan to resolve this problem!"
Darion looks around.
Darion: "It doesn't involve tournaments, horses and jousting, does it?"
Tirion: "How did you know?"
Darion sighs.

Over in Darnassus…
Malfurion: "Captain Planetmourne, he's our hero! Taking pollution down to zero!"
Tyrande: "Honey, I love you, but sing that one more time and you can forget about sex for the next ten-thousand years."
Malfurion: "Aw…"

At the Elemental Plane…
Ragnaros: "So, Murmur, been a few thousand years. What's up?"
Ragnaros: "I know, right? I hate that. It gets up my !@# and itches like a mother. How do you resolve it?"
Ragnaros: "Right, but where do you get it?"
Murmur: "WHIRRR!"
Ragnaros: "Uh-huh."
Ragnaros: "Ouch, man. You know they make a patch for that?"
Murmur: "SCREEEE!"
Ragnaros: "Jeez, man, you don't have to get all offended. It was just a suggestion."
Hydraxis appears.
Hydraxis: "Sup dudes? How's it hanging? Ragnaros! How goes the banishment, man?"
Ragnaros: "Too soon, Hydraxis, too soon."
Hydraxis: "Harsh, dude. Harsh."
Murmur: "WHIRR!"
Ragnaros: "Oh, everyone's a [bleep]ing comedian these days."

At the Sunwell…
Velen: "You did a good thing here today, saving the Sunwell, redeeming the lost energy of a Naaru and banishing the Demon Lord Kil'jaeden back to the Twisting Nether."
Player: "I know! We're awesome like that, me and twenty-four of my bestest best friends!"
Velen: "Now what will you do, Great Hero of the Light?"
Player: "I'm going to Disneyland!"
Velen: "Where?"
Player: "Oh, right. I'm going to Northend!"

At Northrend…
Player: "Finally! A new continent to explore, new epics to obtain and the continuation of my great saga as a Hero of Azeroth!"
Random Tuskarr: "Welcome to the Frozen North."
Player: "Cool! You have tusks!
Tuskarr: "So, ready for your big journey?"
Player: "Yeah, let's go! Where's Arthas?"
Tuskarr: "You are not yet ready for Icecrown Citadel."
Player: "Wait. What? I'll have you know I've killed a ten-thousand year old half-demon madman, saved Outland numerous times from the threat of the Legion, gone back in time and saved Thrall and ensured the continuing timeline continuity, and not to mention saving Azeroth from Kil-$%^-ing-jaeden himself, subsequently redeeming the entire Blood Elf race and preserving the Sunwell, while at it?"
Tuskarr: "I require 10 moose horns."
Player: "For WHAT? Will it save you and your family from extinction or something?"
Tuskarr: "I am making moose horn soup."
Player: "[beep] your soup! I took down a Demon Lord here!"
Tuskarr: "Then no soup for you."
Player: "Why would I want your stupid soup, anyways?"
Player looks at the stats.
Player: "Holy [beep]! Look at the Stamina from this shiz! Where are these moose again?"
Tuskarr: "Far, far north. And while you're at it, you should talk to my brother."
Player: "Why? Is he offering some awesome blue upgrade?"
Tuskarr: "Yes."
Player: "Woohoo!"
Tuskarr: "For picking up moose droppings."
Player: "[expletives deleted]"
Tuskarr: "It good sword, though!"
Player: "Right. Do the doo!"
02/21/2013 02:41 PMPosted by Varnick
Varian: "Hail to the king, baby!"

Varian should have been voiced by Bruce Campbell.

Or the next warcraft commercial needs to have Bruce Campbell and Varian Wrynn teaming up to kick horde butt.
Okay there is only one Mournne and I am it. All kidding aside I laughed a little at this
Giggle worthy.

Over in Icecrown Citadel...

Arthas sips on a smoothie. Kel'thuzad and Heigen play DDR(Death Death Revolution).
Arthas: "Damned ghouls. I asked for peach!"
KT: "You know, if you brought them out of the ground with more brain matter, you wouldn't have these problems. But, nooo... 'They're ghouls. What's the worst that could happen?'"
Arthas: "Don't get sassy with me, Mister I-Bubble-Hearthed-Naxxramas."
Heigen: "Super! Mega! Ultra! Awesome Combo! Whoo! Take that and stuff it up your phylactery, boneboy!"
KT: "Dammit, Heigen! Is this all you do all day? Sit in the Lich King's basement, eating cheetos and playing this stupid game! Get a life!"
Heigen: "But...I'm dead."
Arthas: "Yes, that whole 'I'll kill you' thing is a bit of a persistent problem." Sips his smoothie. "How can you keep people in line if they're dead, anyways?"
KT: "Shouldn't we be discussing more important things, like that stadium the living built at the foot of our citadel? You know, the one ran by that guy who kicked your butt at Light's Hope... You know... With the Ashbringer?"
Arthas: "Ah, it was just part of my master plan; just as it is letting them play Horsie down there."
KT: "You haven't had a Master Plan since you merged as the Lich King. 'Oh, Invincible died. Jaina doesn't return my messenger skeletal birds. My !@#$ is cold, turn up the heat.' Yak yak yak...
Arthas: "Mind your words, Lich. I am..."
Arthas rises dramatically from the Frozen Throne, teeters, wobbles, flails his arms, falls down the steps onto his face. Smoothie flies everywhere.
Heigen: "Horrendously overweight, sir! How about some DDR?"
Arthas: "Heigen...when I remove Frostmourne from the crack of my %^-*, I'm going to do terrible, unmentionable things to you."
KT leans in to whisper to Heigen: "Don't worry. Last time this happened, we had to bring in a Frostwyrm to lift him off the floor."
KT: "Ahem. Do you require assistance, my Master?"
Arthas: "Nope. Nope. I can do this all by myself!"

One hour later...
Arthas: "Oh, look, there's a cockroach scurrying along down here. It seems to be one of the living."
KT: "Brilliant deduction, sir."
KT fails out of DDR, again.
Heigen: "Hah hah! I've seen one-legged abominations dance better than you!"
Heigen busts out into Hammertime, followed by the Moonwalk, and front flips into a split; a hand out to face KT.
KT: "Did you just face me? ME? The Lord of Naxxramas?"
Heigen: "You may be the Lord of Naxxramas, but you're not--" Sparkly, elaborate dance maneuvers. "LORD OF THE DANCE!"
Arthas: "I'm alright. Don't worry about me! You two keep going on. This is just...uh...a minor setback."

Another hour later, the door bell rings...

Arthas: "Someone get that. I'm...resting."
KT: "Godammit, Heigen! You no-life having mother[expletive deleted]!"
Heigen: "I'll get it! You play the rest of this track, KT. Maybe you'll be caught up with my brilliance by the time I get back!"
Heigen spins and twirls to the door.
KT: "You know--"
KT misses a step.
KT: "[expletive deleted] "You know, Yogg-Saron died and the living saved the world from reorigination?"
Arthas: "All part of my plan, of course."
KT: "Uh-huh...and all of your plans encompassed the death of an Old God and the second coming of the Titans? Really?"
Arthas: "Of course! Just because I keep running away, yelling, 'Next time, Gadget, next timeee!' does not mean I don't have a plan. I just haven't deemed it a fitting time to reveal my mind-blowing scheme to...well, you'll just have to wait and see."
KT: "Oh, the same plan that includes lying on your stomach, looking like a fool?"
Arthas: "I'm assessing the strength of the floor."
Heigen spins and twirls back in, a trail of glowy sparkles in his wake.
Heigen: "A visitor, sir."
Illidan: "Sup, !@#$%!"
Arthas: "Oh, that's just freggen perfect..."

Over at Ebon Hold...

Darion: "So, um...Deekay, what makes you think you're a good candidate to be raised again as a Death Knight?"
Deekay: "Well, I'm dead."
Darion: "Yes, an impressive line on your resume, that. What else?"
Deekay: "Did I mention I'm not very happy about this?"
Darion: "Hm, no, but it's definitely a plus."
Darion scoots forward in his chair, adjusting his reading glasses.
Darion: "What would you say your best qualities are?"
Deekay: "Well, back when I was still alive, I used to go about killing critters to maintain my Rage in between ganking lowbies around Tarren Mill. I think that qualifies me to command Scourge; I'm clearly evil, clearly."
Darion: "Hm, what would you say your greatest fault is?"
Deekay: "Welll, that's a tough one. People say I'm too good of a ganker. Like, I enjoy jumping people on my epic mount when they have no chance to get away, then hiding behind trees for seconds. You see, Darion--can I call you Darion? I'm a very patient ganker."
Darion: "An obsessed stalker, you would say?"
Deekay: "Oh yes! Oh yes! Like I'll stalk the Lich King to death!"
Darion: "Yes, how good of you."
Darion glances down the resume.
Darion: "So, tell me about how you died?"
Deekay: "Well, it was a warm, sunny--I mean, cold, dreary day! I was in the Plaguelands, and being the awesome killer that I was, I took on a bunch of undead at once. I was like: WHOOSHHH, Whirlwind and Cleaveee!"
Darion: "Intriguing sound effects."
Deekay: "Oh, yeah, and then like a jillion more popped out of the ground and ate me brain."
Darion: "Terrible."
Deekay: "They... They ate my medula oblongata first, and...and...then they started on the squishy parts..."
Darion: "Riveting. Next!"
Deekay: "Hey, wait! Is that it? I still have more angst to tell you about! I can angst! I can angst SOOO hard! I'll angst--wait, what are you doing with that trap thinga-majig? No! NOO!! I regret everything!!"
Ghoul approaches, holding a still shaking trapping device.
Ghoul: "Two dollah charge, Mistah Darion."
Darion: "You guys are a rip-off."

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