Krieg Stromrider; backstory, critics welcome!

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Hey WeT i have come here seeking help for my dwarf. This is my first foray into dwarven rping and i welcome everyone to come and critique my first creation. Any tips to dwarven rp and speech are welcome as well as any insights into dwarven custom that you might be willing to share.

Two things in particular im looking for are tips to help speak in a dwarven accent, And how to rp as a gryphon rider particularly how you rp with the use of a storm hammer.

Name: Krieg Stormrider

Race: Wild Hammer Dwarf

Class: Gryphon Rider

Gender: Male

Physical Description: Krieg Stormrider towers above most dwarves standing 4’10”. What he makes for in height however he lacks in weight, weighing in at 180lbs. Though not small, His frame in lankier than many of his dwarven brethren. Krieg enjoys his body type, long arms and tall frame allow him to hurl his stormhammer with devastating effect.

Multiple decades of riding Swiftfeather through the air currents of Azeroth have turned Krieg skin a deep tan, and hardened his facial feature. On his right bicep he proudly displays the flag of his people. Tattooed onto his bicep is the crest of the wild hammer; a single hammer supper imposed upon two screaming gryphons. On his left, his family’s seal a gryphon rider screeching through a lightning storm.

Krieg has opted to keep his head bald, though he proudly sports a large bushy brown beard. Hidden among his craggy facial feature are two small emerald eyes wise beyond their years, able to show compassion as well as unyielding resolve.

Equipment Description: Given to him by his father as a gift for his rite of passage, Krieg’s chest, legs and feet are covered by multiple layers of sturdy, matching, brown/green raptor leather studded at quarter inch intervals by strips of tempered obsidian a half inch wide and a full inch long. The Armor gives great protection against slash attacks and all but the most perfectly placed piercing strikes. The iridescent scales have an uncanny ability to blend into the brush and sparsely forested areas of the highlands.

Always a pragmatist when it comes to combat gear, instead of adding ornamental feathers to his regalia as is custom for Wildhammer warriors who have taken up the call of the gryphon, Krieg instead had them etched into the raptor leather that coats his body. If one were too look closely at his armor as he moved, the obsidian would shift just enough to seen the traces of ethereal looking feathers. This armor was crafted by one whom was an artisan at his craft.

Krieg’s most powerful and beloved weapon is his family’s ancestral stormhammer. The hammers head is colored a dark brooding grey reminiscent of a storm front that is about to unleash its fury. On one end the family crest, a gryphon rider flying through a lightning storm, on the other is the sigil of the wild hammer nation. Across the breadth of the hammer, etched in glowing blue ancestral runes, reads the family name; Stormrider. Along the finely craft oak shaft are enscribed all in the Stormrider line whom have wielded the family’s ancestral stormhammer in defense of family and nation.

Other accessories he carries with him are a flint and tinder box, a canteen, and a supple brown leather bag. In the bag are an artfully crafted wooden pipe and some tobacco that his mother gave him upon his return from his rite of passage.

Personality: Krieg Stormrider is a fairly level headed Wildhammer dwarf. He is slow to anger, and fair in his treatment to others. His personality and his dealings with others have been molded by his upbringing. His father and mother allowed him great freedom and trust, but were unrelenting when it came time to face the consequences of his actions. This model of interaction he emulates with his dealing with the outside world.

Krieg has very few prejudices in this world, the color of your skin, or the race you are born from holds very little sway upon this Wildhammer dwarf. This is unless you are an orc, especially an orc of the Dragonmaw. The Dragonmaw clan has been at war with the Wildhammer’s from the moment the orcs invaded the Wildhammer’s ancestral homelands of the hinterlands and the highlands. Constant raiding and pillaging have caused Krieg to become distrustful if not outright hostile to the orcs, whom he believes cost him the lives of his mother and father. Though he no longer wars with the Dragonmaw throughout the highlands, he carries his prejudices against them throughout his travels of Azeroth.
Gryphon; Swiftfeather: Swiftfeather and Krieg have been intertwined in each other’s lives since the moment Krieg’s father Beorn gave Krieg Swiftfeather’s un-hatched egg. Having grown up together and matured together (somewhat); Swiftfeather treats Krieg as a hatchmate, and as such is incredibly protective of his friend. Never wanting to leave his side, Swiftfeather is incredible loyal and fierce in his defense of Krieg Stormrider.

His long leonine body stretches 8 feet long and stands some 5 feet off the ground. Weighing in at roughly 500 pounds, Swiftfeather’s incredibly strong and muscled body are nothing to be trifled with. His well-kept and well groomed golden fur gives way to an unblemished head of white feathers. Swiftfeather’s ocean blue eyes and stern visage projects alertness and intelligence. Woe is it to any whom try’s to touch this gryphon without its permission.

History:

The only son of Beorn Stormrider and Klili Stormrider, Krieg spent his formative years in the harsh land of what is now known as the twilight highlands. From a young pup until the age he passed his initiation, Krieg spent his entire life learning how to escape from and combat the many threats, both wild and intelligent that the highlands impose upon its inhabitants.

Though the land was harsh his family was not. No matter how cruel the outside world was, his family stayed true to themselves and their kin. Beorn and Klili gave great freedom to their son, preferring to let him learn from the mistakes he made, as opposed to trying to coddle him. Along with this great freedom, Beorn and Klili were unrelenting with regard to holding Krieg to his actions. Never being able to escape the consequences of his actions, Krieg learned quickly the do’s and don’ts of both his society and his homeland. This rearing allowed Krieg to develop a good attitude towards the both people and the world at large; hard, but not jaded.

On his twelfth birthday his father gave him a gryphon egg as his naming day present. Krieg cherished it and watched over it like a mother hen would her own egg. For many months Krieg took the egg everywhere he went and always had at least one eye on it. After what had seemed like an eternity, the egg finally hatchet. From the broken shell emerged a small gryphon hatchling that he named Swiftfeather.

As the two grew older, they both began to be trained in the ways of war. Beorn tested his young sons strength day in and day out whether through actual combat our through task done round the farmstead. Though he trained him hard, Beorn was a fair teacher. He didn’t abuse his place of martial prowess and authority but instead did his very best to instill in his son, the core techniques and values he would someday call upon to save his life in battle.

While Krieg trained, Swiftfeather too received training from his father’s gryphon, Featherclaw. The elder gryphon taught his surrogate son how to fly, how to hunt, and how to fight. The elder gryphon led by example, and taught Swiftfeather well. Swiftfeather grew fast, and became a physical specimen to say the least; but not without a few mishaps first.
When Krieg was 16, he and Swiftfeather made their first ill-fated attempt at flight. Beorn had gone on patrol for the day effectively giving Swiftfeather and Krieg the day off. In all his “teen,” confidence, the young dwarf took Swiftfeather behind the familys hovel and mounted his feathered friend. Had he been older, he would have known that Swiftfeather was not yet strong enough to safely fly him, and his poorly distributed weight only made matters worse. Nevertheless Krieg wanted to fly.


Stirring swift feather into motion, the two charged over hill/roof of his home and jumped. As the feeling of weightlessness took hold, Krieg heart stopped. The sheer Joy of flight coursed through his veins, stronger than any mead, tenderer than the caress of any woman, it seemed to the young dwarf that he was finally alive. It was as if some great shroud had finally been lifted from him allowing him to see a glorious sunrise for the first time. In his mind the flight lasted forever, in practicality it was only a few seconds.

As Swiftfeather leapt from the roof, the young gryphon labored mightily just to stay afloat, however after only a few harsh and brutal wing beats, Swiftfeather lost all control and sent the two crashing into the cobblestone in front of his house. If Krieg were omnipotent, he would have heard the breaking of glass as his mother dropped the dish she had been washing when she had seen her son attempting to fly. Alas he was not; the only thing he saw when he came out of his euphoria was the unforgiving cobblestone of the road.


The hot tears of his mother woke him from unconsciousness. As he stirred more tears fell from her rosy cheeks as she cried from anger, and from relief that her son was still alive. His first thought was why is she crying? I have just witnessed my greatest joy in life? Though his body was Battered and bruised, he never felt more alive. That however would change when his father returned.


When his father came home later that night he had been furious, for what seemed like hours both his mother and father laid into him frothing and bellowing in rage. The next day when he awoke every muscle in his body screamed in protest but his father would not allow him to miss training. His punishment was to live with the consequences of his actions.


From that first flight, the two’s fate became ever more intertwined. As they grew older, Krieg and Swiftfeather began to sore the skies seeking out trouble and mischief. As their skill grew, they developed a new favorite past time, racing. The pair would race the other youngsters, much to his father’s disapproval and constant reprimanding. Many races they participated in few they lost.

At the age of 39 Krieg set out on his right of passage, the ritual which every dwarf participated in as they reached the cusp of adulthood. The rights of passage tested him both physically, mentally and spiritually. It tempered his spirit and his resolve into iron. He proved himself before himself and his ancestors, and when he returned, he truly was a man.

That night a great feast was held in Kirkhaven in his Honor and in the Honor of all the children who had passed their initiation that year. Until the wee hours of the mourning, the village drank, feasted and made merry.


For two days Krieg could not rise from his bed, as his body was wracked with a torturous hangover. His father, whom had been goading him on and drinking with him mug for mug, seemed unaffected and took joy in hammering on his anvil just outside Krieg’s chambers. However once he finally had recovered, his father looked at him as an equal, and as such he was treated as one.


Krieg now flew with his father, learning the finer point of aerial and martial combat. Beorn was a hard teacher, producing many a bruise and many a gallon of spilled blood, but over the years Krieg learned, and grew better till he was able to fight his old man to a standstill. Krieg's life seemed to be ever on the rise, until the fateful night of the raid. In the middle of the night, their small hamlet was raided by the insidious dragonmaw and their drakes. As the call to arms was echoed through the village, Krieg and his father joined with the other men and woman of the town in order to repel the invaders.

As the fight grew to a fever pitch, Beorn’s gryphon was slain in midair, sending Krieg’s father plummeting to the earth paralyzing the older man from the waist down. After many long hours of combat the orc were finally repulsed, but at such a high cost. No longer able to defend the family Beorn gave the family’s ancestral weapon to his son, No words were spoken, Both men knew the weight that the weapon carried, both knew the responsibility that it entailed, and neither backed down. At the young age of 47, Krieg was now responsible for not only himself but his family.
After the accident, the Stormrider clan did its best to reincorporate the now crippled Beorn back into daily life; but the once unbreakbable figure, seemed now to have been broken. Once a Dwarf full of excitement, energy and passion, now Krieg’s father sat in silence. Krieg could see it in his eyes, the pain, the embarrassment, the futility. His heart broke for his father; he would have done anything for him, though alas he was unable too. As the months passed, Beorn’s body began to deteriorate. As time flowed, his father’s once strong and virile body began to betray him. Sickness began to plague the elder dwarf further weakening both his body’s ability to survive, and his hearts willingness too. As his father wasted away, So too did his mother Klili.


His once warm and tender dwarven mother was now barren and destitute. Her days of working around the homestead were gone, now her life revolved around her crippled husband. The love that the two shared was strong, so strong that they would not be parted from one another. As Beorn grew weaker, so to it seemed did Klili. Krieg did all he could to help both his father and mother, but he was but a warrior. He could not help his parents, one afflicted in the body, the other the mind.


Late in the winter of his 52 second year, his father fell ill for the last time. For weeks the Stormrider clan gathered and prayed to their ancestors for succor, but as none was to be found. The world had taken its toll on Beorn Stormrider, and finally it claimed his life. His funeral, like his life was grand. Hundred’s turned out to pay their respects to both Beorn’s spirit and His surviving family. His father’s passing grieved Krieg, though he was able to receive some piece with it. With his body buried in the Stormrider’s ancestral burial grounds, Krieg new his father’s soul now rested in the hall of his forefathers. This was not the case for Klili.


Morning could not begin to describe the pain that his mother experienced, the woman was utterly devastated. For weeks she refused to leave her chambers, refused to eat, refused to sleep. During that time, Krieg did all he could for her, feeding her, clothing her, giving her a shoulder to sob upon, though nothing he did for her provided comfort. When Krieg looked into her eyes, all he saw was sorrow was loss, it broke his heart to think it, but he knew his mother was not long for this world. She had devoted her life to Beorn, in both sickness and in health, and now with his death, she had no more purpose.


Roughly three Months after his father had joined the ancestors so too did his mother. Quietly one stormy spring night, her heart gave out from grief, and her spirit passed to the other side. For the first time in his life Krieg felt truly alone. His parents, the ones whom had been his rock, were now gone. In the weeks after his mother’s burial, Krieg sat alone in his now silent house. All the memories he had shared with his family here, seemed but a faint murmur, the only thing this house now reminded him off was death.


After a time Krieg had had enough. Making arrangements with some distant kin, He decided that he was going to leave his family’s homestead in their care and leave the highlands for a time. His entire life had been spent in their dangerous embrace, now with nothing but sorrow left in them, Krieg had decided to see what the world had to offer him. With his possessions gathered, Krieg and Swiftfeather embarked are their journey.
Okay, that is a lot of information to mull over. Give me a while, and I'll edit back with a bit of criticism.
awesome thank you for your assistance. If something sounds ridiculous don't be afraid to lay into it i had a pretty thick skin
Turns out you can't quote while editing.

1#
First things first. This is to long. Your characters history is best kept short, something that could be explained in about a minute.

2#
02/26/2013 09:49 AMPosted by Jeramayan
Personality: Krieg Stormrider is a fairly level headed Wildhammer dwarf. He is slow to anger,


This is a little odd for a wildhammer. If there is one thing wildhammer dwarves lack, it is a good temper. While it is odd, it could still work. He really just needs a reason to be level headed.

02/26/2013 09:49 AMPosted by Jeramayan
His personality and his dealings with others have been molded by his upbringing. His father and mother allowed him great freedom and trust, but were unrelenting when it came time to face the consequences of his actions. This model of interaction he emulates with his dealing with the outside world.


And this really doesn't explain why.

3#
Krieg seems to be rather bland, not in a bad way though. Kinda like a glass of water. This may just be the result of seeing hundreds of awful special snow flakes, so take this with a grain of salt.

What is actually really good here is the room for growth. To many people forget that developing your character through roleplaying is REALLY ****ING IMPORTANT!

4#
Here are some questions.

Is Krieg part of the Alliance? His backstory seems to be lacking this VERY big feature. Just because you're living around the Alliance doesn't necessarily mean he is part of them. And if he is, why then?

How does he feel about the other dwarven clans? Does he support the council of three hammers?

What about the Horde? How does he feel about them?

The biggest problems here is the length of his history. I would recommend you chop down his backstory a little, and maybe give him a reason to be active in the world. Leaving his home just unshackles him from his old life. The best way to find a reason to do this, or that, is to just start roleplaying, so this problem (If you could even call it one.)) is easily solved.

That's about it. Thank you for your time. :D
Thank you for your critiques;

1#
First things first. This is to long. Your characters history is best kept short, something that could be explained in about a minute.


OK ill defiantly clip portions

This is a little odd for a wildhammer. If there is one thing wildhammer dwarves lack, it is a good temper. While it is odd, it could still work. He really just needs a reason to be level headed.

02/26/2013 09:49 AMPosted by Jeramayan
His personality and his dealings with others have been molded by his upbringing. His father and mother allowed him great freedom and trust, but were unrelenting when it came time to face the consequences of his actions. This model of interaction he emulates with his dealing with the outside world.

And this really doesn't explain why.


Ok how would i explain Krieg to be less impulsive, if not too have been forced to have a very cause and effect upbringing. In life i find people who are impulsive and prone to outbursts are ones who Dont think about the consequences of their actions. So i tired to show that this was in fact how he was raised.

I understand that wildhammer dwarves are impulsive, and i don't want to eliminate this aspect completely from my character, however i wanted to try and separate him from the legions of bar brawling drunkards that seem to make up the dwarven rp race. How would i best show that my character is slightly less impulsive?

3#
Krieg seems to be rather bland, not in a bad way though. Kinda like a glass of water. This may just be the result of seeing hundreds of awful special snow flakes, so take this with a grain of salt.

What is actually really good here is the room for growth. To many people forget that developing your character through roleplaying is REALLY ****ING IMPORTANT!


Yes Krieg is bland, and that's kind of how i wanted him to be. He is a dwarf who has been an adult for only a decade, and has just lelt this homeland for the first time. I wanted him to be able to grow and not be stuck as either a cookie cutter dwarf or a special snowflake who has laser that shoot from his eyes. However if their are some tips with which i can incorporate into him to make him more of a wildhammer nationalist, i would gladly take them!

02/26/2013 02:27 PMPosted by Ozbid
Is Krieg part of the Alliance? His backstory seems to be lacking this VERY big feature. Just because you're living around the Alliance doesn't necessarily mean he is part of them. And if he is, why then?


I would not consider him too be a full-fledged member of the alliance. Krieg is a supporter of clan and people first and foremost. He pledges himself too the wild hammer nation, which has just recently re pledged itself to the alliance.

02/26/2013 02:27 PMPosted by Ozbid
How does he feel about the other dwarven clans? Does he support the council of three hammers?


Too be honest i really couldn't tell you. i don't know much about the internal dynamics of the dwarven race. He would probably feel what the run of the mill wild hammer dwarf found in the highlands would think about them, however i don't know what they think :)

02/26/2013 02:27 PMPosted by Ozbid
What about the Horde? How does he feel about them?


The orcs and trolls he would defiantly be hostile too as he would have lived through the initial orchish invasion as well as witnessing the ongoing conflict between the Dragonmaw and the Wild hammer nations. The blood elves he would probably be friendly too, as the elves of silevrmoon have been traditional allies. The undead he would be suspicious of as he would think they were anathema to the natural cycles of life and death. The tauren he would have had no dealing with yet, so he would be neatural.

Do you have any suggestions about how i should fight wielding a storm hammer? According to the wikki's gryphon rider could conjure a copy of their hammer and send it flying at their opponents, this just seems weird for me for some reason and i was wondering how other rpers handle this situation.
Ok how would i explain Krieg to be less impulsive, if not too have been forced to have a very cause and effect upbringing. In life i find people who are impulsive and prone to outbursts are ones who Dont think about the consequences of their actions. So i tired to show that this was in fact how he was raised.

I understand that wildhammer dwarves are impulsive, and i don't want to eliminate this aspect completely from my character, however i wanted to try and separate him from the legions of bar brawling drunkards that seem to make up the dwarven rp race. How would i best show that my character is slightly less impulsive?


I admire the fact that you're trying something different. There are far to many drunken loud mouths on my realm. I would have him still be loud, wild, and all that goodness, but have him be more patient. The kinda of man that would scream and cheer, but never do something without thinking it through. But, these are just some ideas from my RP point of view.

02/26/2013 03:32 PMPosted by Jeramayan
Yes Krieg is bland, and that's kind of how i wanted him to be. He is a dwarf who has been an adult for only a decade, and has just lelt this homeland for the first time. I wanted him to be able to grow and not be stuck as either a cookie cutter dwarf or a special snowflake who has laser that shoot from his eyes. However if their are some tips with which i can incorporate into him to make him more of a wildhammer nationalist, i would gladly take them!


From what I've seen, the wildhammer are more like orcs than the dwarves of common fantasy. They are loud, wild, easily angered, quick to fight, and they love running through the wild. I would think, they'd consider the other dwarves sissies. Not willing to run through the woulds with nothing but an axe and a smile on their face, let alone fight while riding a gryphon. Also, the wildhammer are shamanistic. (DUR) The idea of gods. or some benevolent holy force of happy, would probably just seem silly. Maybe from his point of view, the light, Elune, the naaru, are just spirits that the other races have just blown out of proportion. Oh, and last, but not least, I'd think a wild hammer (Of any kind really.) would think the Alliance is made out of orc lovers. The idea of not splattering an orcs head with a mallet is easily one of the worst things a wildhammer can think of.

02/26/2013 03:32 PMPosted by Jeramayan
Too be honest i really couldn't tell you. i don't know much about the internal dynamics of the dwarven race. He would probably feel what the run of the mill wild hammer dwarf found in the highlands would think about them, however i don't know what they think :)


The bronzebeards are wimps. The dark irons are lying, cheating, baby eaters.

02/26/2013 03:32 PMPosted by Jeramayan
Do you have any suggestions about how i should fight wielding a storm hammer? According to the wikki's gryphon rider could conjure a copy of their hammer and send it flying at their opponents, this just seems weird for me for some reason and i was wondering how other rpers handle this situation.


Hard to say how others would handle it. Some may like it, others may hate it. That's just part of roleplaying. As for fighting with it, just emote that *Krieg sends a storm hammer flying at his enemy. If it were to hit, it would strike with the power of a lightning bolt.* or something of that nature. Just avoid god modding and and all of that crap. People can dodge, people can miss, and people can block. Smiles :D

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